Grandpa Gogu’s Advice
Lyrics by Mat Greaves
I’ll tell you about my grandfather,
He was very wise
A bony man with long white hair,
and glowing yellow eyes
Priceless gems of wisdom flowing
from his twisted mind
My gypsy grandfather Gogu
He was one of a kind.
When I was little chavo
Grandpa Gogu came to me
He taught me about the spot betwixt
The stomach and the knees
Told me where to press and
made me practice every night
Until Grandma Gogu sat up and screamed
“Yes he’s got it right!”
Grandfather was smart
He was never mean
He taught me how to use my hands
and how to flick the bean
Now I’m a straight shooter
When it comes to lady cooter
Grandpa Gogu, I’ll always love you so!
When I was fifteen years of age
I could not find a date
There was not any pretty girls
To whom I could relate
Grandpa Gogu said there’s one
detail you have missed
He said, “Never underestimate
importance of the fist.”
Grandfather was smart,
He gave me good advice
Some girls they like it rough,
They don’t want you to play nice.
Make sure she is pleased,
Make double sure she’s not diseased
Grandpa Gogu, I’ll always love you so!
One day lovely damsel
Randomly got pissed at me
She blows up in my face I wondered
What could problem be
I ask Grandpa Gogu, “Hey
what advice you’ve got?”
He said “Shove that goblin tongue
inside her bloody honey pot.”
Oh! Grandfather was smart,
He gave me several talks
How to earn my bloody bat wings
deep inside her bloody box
When she’s oozing viscous slime,
Get on your knees it’s drinking time.
Grandpa Gogu, I’ll always love you so!
On Hallow’s Eve he said
Gogu let’s go find you a mate
He took me to a cemetery
Where we jumped the gate
Up the hill deep inside a
crypt we both did go.
In lantern light he smiled and
whispered corpses don’t say no.
Oh! Grandfather was smart
He knew just what to do
He introduced me to my
beautiful, beloved Blue!
Sure she might be dead,
but at least she’s great in bed!
Grandpa Gogu, I’ll always love you so!
Then there came the day
When Grandpa Gogu had to die.
He sat there in his rocking chair
I began to cry,
A hundred years of perfect health
What could make you sick?
He said he let the Belles of Bedlam’s
Granny suck his dick.
Oh, Grandfather was smart
He lived life with no regrets
Even when it came to
unprotected oral sex!
Grandfather was smart,
He loved to have good fun.
Especially when it came to
Vintage Granny Irish gums
Grandfather was smart
He never let me down
He’s the reason I became
A creepy gypsy clown
Grandfather was smart
He never was a fool
Now he dances at our shows
As creepy zombie ghoul
You were my bestest friend
From dusk till dawn till dusk again
Grandpa Gogu, I will always love you so!
Oh Grandpa Gogu, I will always love you so!
